How long does it take for one to get over a break up? 2 weeks? 2 months? A year? I was told before that it will take you half the time you were in that relationship to get over it, which made sense—if you were in a long relationship, it would take you longer to move on from it. But what if by the second month of your breakup process, you feel completely fine and over the whole situation when it was a 6 month relationship? What if your 3 month situationship takes you 1 year to get over since you apparently can’t escape them around the school and see them everywhere?
For those going through a break up yourself—you are not alone. For those who feel lost and don’t know where to start, here is what I’ve gathered through my last two months going through it. Honestly, though, I’m a 17 year old, so take all of this with a bag of sidewalk salt.
Step one is to separate yourself from the situation. This means blocking them or just not communicating with them. If you decide to stay friends with the person, understand that there are boundaries that were not there before, which can be a very hard adjustment. I’ve tried it, and it did not work out too pretty. That’s why I go for the no-friends method; this way, there is no miscommunication and no chance for you guys to go back on the break up agreement. These people are exes for a reason; whatever that reason may be, you did it because you believed it was the right choice. Assure yourself that it was for the best. If you truly feel it wasn’t, express that. Do NOT sit in what if’s and uncertainty; this could haunt you for the rest of your days, so stand up, even if you get hit in the face with reality—they, in fact, don’t want to start again.
My second snippet of advice is to find stuff to do. Now I cannot say I have followed this to a T, but when I have, it has helped me. Color, exercise, drive, play video games—whatever you can do other than sit within your own mind. Since your thoughts will inevitably lead to that person time and time again; then you will think about the relationship and revisit why it’s over now. This is not helpful in your healing process. Plus, trying new things is important. It gives you a chance to explore new passions and broaden your horizons.
By getting out of your comfort zone, you are showing yourself you are capable and strong on your own. Journaling has been a new thing I have started to do, and I’ve tried to keep up with it (tried being the key word here). It is good to get your thoughts out of your own head and in your journal; you can say whatever you want without being judged by anyone else. It also can be a good tool for you to look back on and see where you were just a mere week ago. Maybe you take what you wrote and never look back at it. Perhaps, throw it away or burn it—whatever will help you to move forward—though I suggest being careful if fire is involved.
Now, last but not least, never be alone—or at least remind yourself that you are not alone. During a relationship, it is assumed that you are around that person more often than anyone else because,well, why wouldn’t you be? You talk to that person about everything—the happy, the sad and the random. When you break it off with that person, you don’t have that access anymore, but it doesn’t mean you are alone.
It’s important to find your family and friends and talk to them, not even about the breakup itself, but just check in with them. It gets your mind off of the breakup to discuss something else and other people’s problems. I know I definitely had my moments in my bed where I laid there for hours, not talking to anyone, just scrolling on social media. After two hours, I texted my friend and said that I wanted to call. When I had something exciting or something random to tell someone, I would snap my friends instead of that person I would’ve sent it to. I would send funny tik toks and reels to all of my friends that I know would enjoy them just as much as that person had. Speaking of my loved ones, shout out to all of my friends and family who have put up with the three tik toks I send every two days.
I have looked for an answer everywhere you could possibly find one—friends, family, books, podcasts—and there is no specific time frame you can place on moving on from a breakup. This is especially true for a person that was so close to your heart, someone you let in past all of the barriers and someone you trusted. It is okay to feel your feelings, but pick yourself up every time.
Even if you don’t feel like progress has been made, think about yourself from two weeks, even a week ago, where that person would come across your mind four times a day; now they creep into it once a day. Maybe one day, everything comes rushing back to you—you will have setback days and that is completely normal. You essentially are experiencing the death of someone in your life, and now you are grieving. There will be many ups and downs, and even if you think there will be no more—there will be more. Regardless of it all, understand your worth, that you were someone before them, and you will still be someone after them.
P.S. If you want to go off on them in a chat you thought they blocked you on—make sure they are blocked.
